Relationships can be the most comforting of spaces. Conversely, they can also be the most chaotic. We all feel and want love yet again at times love seems so… Hard?

Dr. Tatkin demystifies the psychology behind the chemistry of relationships. He draws lessons from the multitude of clients he has dealt with over the years and his own experience with his divorce and new marriage, to give it that all important personal touch.

Dig in!



ELIZABETH GILBERT! Another one! (DJ Khaled  voice). 

Committed was written after her self-inquiry trip across Indonesia, Italy and India (See Eat Pray Love). It is a non-fiction book. A memoir of sorts but the events herein sound like something out of a Shonda Rhimes film. 

Her journey towards marriage was necessitated tacitly by the US government. Yes. That’s right. The United States Department of Homeland Security. She met her affectionate Brazilian lover in Bali. Both survivors of nasty divorces, both gutted by the consequent experience, both on a journey of healing. It was attraction, adrenaline, courtship and then full-blown love. Until the US government came into the picture. 

Following the horrific terrorist attack of 9/11, President Bush’s government beefed up security on every front imaginable. What erstwhile seemed like a routine thing, an Australian and American walking through customs, took an unexpected twist. Her lover was denied passage. This, despite the fact that he had erstwhile been allowed in and out as he wished.

After six hours of interrogations at the airport, he was handcuffed and jailed, awaiting the next plane out of the US. UNLESS, they got married.

The very thing, very word, very institution, they had both been fleeing from. That thing was their only answer. Their very survival depended on it. The wedding was to take place in the US and as an advance gift, they were presented with a blockade of bureaucratic red tape. The same State that made leaving a loveless legal bond such a painstaking process for Elizabeth Gilbert, now demanded that she get herself into another legal bond, but this time, it made it even harder for her to do so. 

Committed is the story of what ensued in that period between being her lover being expelled from the US and his readmission and finally, their marriage.  

Quintessential of Elizabeth Gilbert, Committed is witty, honest and full of wisdom gained from the school of life. Take this for example:

“Destiny’s interventions can sometime be read as invitations for us to address and surmount our biggest fears. It doesn’t take a great genius to recognize that when you are pushed by circumstance to do one thing you have always most specifically loathed and feared, this can be, at the very least, an interesting growth opportunity.”

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We live in a world that has more and more relationships and less and less love, more and more sex and less and less intimacy,” says Pastor Todd. 

What is it that we are not doing right? What is it that we are doing right but can do better?

These are the questions that Pastor Todd and his wife Natalie seek to answer in this book. The two found love young. At age 15 and 14 respectively. They went on to get engaged and eventually married. Their relationship however, was not without its own challenges and pitfalls. It too, like most romantic relationships, has experienced its fair share of temptations, misunderstandings and fallouts. Yet the relationship has somehow weathered those storms. 

This book was written with the biblical understanding of love, as its basis. “I believe in discovering the truth by uncovering lies, so we are going to put the realities of today’s relationships up against the truths in God’s word about how to live with others,” he says. 

Both Pastor Todd and his wife Natalie, have drawn from their real life experiences to fill the pages of this insightful book. Herein they have made a vulnerable, intimate, yet empowering introspection of their relationship. They explore and debunk cultural relationships myths. More importantly, they  offer tried and tested, practical advice, on how to cultivate and nurture a romantic relationship, in line with God’s word. 

Pastor Michael Todd is the lead pastor at Transformation Church, alongside his wife. Their wealth of experience in pastoral ministry is evident in their approach in tackling this ubiquitous yet complex phenomenon. 

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‘Beautifully Flawed’ – A Review

First came love, then came marriage then came hell. 

Dr. Arinola Araba is an eminently decorated scholar, savvy entrepreneur and devoted mother. Yet she didn’t always feel so powerful. This book is her life’s story. Herein she makes the difficult but refreshingly emancipating move to share her journey with the world. 

She was once married. It was a happy one until it wasn’t. Physical and emotional abuse, irredeemable character flaws and neglect soon reared their ugly heads. Having three young kids made things even more intricate.

She had to brave hunger, cold and poverty to fend for her children. A nasty protracted divorce would ensue that would turn her world upside down. Her mental health took a beating. Anguish. Shame. Despair. 

Dr. Araba gives a candid account of her relationship. She highlights the pitfalls and challenges that she had to endure. All in the name of love. She tells of the struggles of a black, modern, working woman. A woman who goes through hell but is expected to smile all day. A woman who is so hurt but has to be strong for her children. She tells of the experience of living with an insecure, short-tempered, possessive man. 

When is enough, enough? When does one walk away? Is walking away even an option? Is it all worth it? 

These are the questions that Dr Arinola seeks to answer using her story.

‘Why Men Want Sex and Women Need Love’

If you are in a relationship or have been in one, then there are a couple universal questions that you’ve asked yourself. For example:

What do females really want?

Why doesn’t he just get it?

Are all men simply trash?

Are all relationships this difficult?

What’s the big deal about sex?

Is love overrated?

Is monogamy dead?

These are questions that Barbara and Allan Pease seek to answer. You’d be surprised to learn just how much the Victorian era has influenced your relationship and that of your parents. Yes, as in Queen Victoria. How so, you ask? Well, pick up this book and find out. 

Speaking of eras, with the onset of technology, you’d think we have really come a long way from our ancestors. You know, we don’t need to kill a deer for food or live in caves. We have the option of ordering food from our favourite restaurants and staying at fancy hotels. Right? 

Well, actually, no! Technologically, we may have evolved but emotionally, there’s not much difference between our homo habilis ancestors and us. Their reasons for getting into relationships are pretty much our reasons for getting into them. Sounds like a joke? An ancient one? You’d be surprised. 

Barbara and Allan Pease write from a place of facts. They have run the surveys and crunched the numbers. They read through the journals and lived the life. They know their stuff!

This book is as informative and as enlightening as they come. You’ll look at your relationship differently after reading this. Things will make a lot more sense and conversations will get a lot more meaningful. 

The evolution is here!

‘Single and Searching’ – A Review

Where have all the good men/women gone?

That’s a question that a lot of people, both young and old, keep asking themselves. Why is it thatrelationships these days don’t seem to last as long? Is it the hook up culture? Is it just a millennialproblem? Is true love overrated? Or do we just suck at it?

Dr Chris Hart; the popular columnist with the Daily Nation and psychologist, answers all these questions, and then some. Does monogamy come natural to men? Who takes the lead in establishing a relationship? Are there any rules when it comes to dating? Why do brides wear white and what’s the deal with engagements rings anyway?

He taps into his academic training to explain various trends and mannerisms with regards to relationships. For example, did you know that research shows that a happy marriage can add five years to a man’s life and two years to a woman’s? Did you know that the simple act of holding hands with someone you love lowers your blood pressure?

It is written in simple and inviting language. Dr Chris Hart has done his homework and he has the studies to corroborate his writing. He is thorough yet concise. Above all, he is witty, enlightening and entertaining.

Dig in! Should you have any questions or comments for him after you have read the book, feel freeto shoot him an email on: cgh@nyumbayangu.com